I am the first to admit I have made more than my share of mistakes in my life and like many, I have tons of regrets. If I had been the only one to suffer from my mistakes and bad decisions, it would be one thing, but the ones who suffered the most were the ones I love the most and my kids certainly rank at #1 position on this list.

The thing about mistakes is we don’t always see them as mistakes at the time or most of us would have chosen a different path. Many of the things I now realize were mistakes seemed right at the time and in most cases were decisions I made because I thought they offered the best for my kids. It is only in retrospect I see that there were better choices.

The Bible assures us forgiveness is God’s nature, but forgiving ourselves is sometimes even more difficult. But the truth is, the past is just that – the past and there is nothing we can do about it no matter how much we wish we could. So in my ongoing analysis of myself I’ve finally been able to see the blessings that came out of those bad decisions.

I wish my kids had had an easier life. They experienced so much tragedy in their young lives and nothing I could have done could have changed that. But we were constantly moving around as I transferred with work. I too was a gypsy as a child (not really a gypsy, just felt like one) and I swore if I had kids their lives would be more stable. Unfortunately a divorce (actually a couple of them) and trying to be both parents and the soul breakwinner put a real dent in that plan. I see families that have remained in tact and I am envious. But no family could have ever loved their children more than I do. I know people who have lived in the same place for years and I am envious. But our travels broadened my kids horizons and introduced them to different people; different lifestyles and different situations that made them into the wonderful adults they’ve become. They are strong, confident, compassionate, loving and smart. They deserve every good thing in their life because none of it came easy and they worked exceptionally hard to have it. They are loved and admired by many and none of them ever got into the kinds of trouble many of their peers did. Maybe adversity gave them a more mature outlook on life at a young age and prevented them from going the path of so many of their friends.

My kids know every mistake I’ve ever made and probably remember some I’ve forgotten. But they still love me – how awesome is that? And God knows I love them more than life. I am so very proud of all of them. I can remember being terrified as I tried to raise them and promising God if He’d just protect them and let them grow into caring, responsible adults, I’d never ask for anything else. Guess I’m out of favors because He certainly answered that one. Of course now He hears the same prayers for my grandchildren and ongoing ones for my kids in their adult life. Luckily for me, He doesn’t keep score.

I’ve spent years feeling guilty and cried oceans of tears of regret. But I am finally at a point I know how pointless that is. I’m human, more so than even I realize. I did a lot of good things too and obviously was right in some situations because I raised awesome kids and am helping to guide my awesome grandkids. People are always talking about what phrase they want on their tombstone to honor their lives. You can just put “lucky enough to be the proud mom of four awesome, amazing kids. That pretty much sums up all that’s important in my life.