Ecclesiastes 3: “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:”
“A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.”
One day your life is all that you know it to be and then, in an instant, everything changes. Life as you’ve known it is gone forever and you are left in a heap of emotions you cannot understand or handle all at once. Someone you love is gone and you, left behind, are left to try to figure out what to do without them. I am convinced there is no greater pain than the death of someone you love. In the beginning, our initial emotions range from overwhelming sadness to a state of shock. We just can’t believe it and pray we wake up to find we’ve been in the middle of a very bad nightmare. But the nightmare is just beginning.
Somehow, we get through all the formalities, the planning, the services, the funeral, the burial. During those times we are usually surrounded by people who are trying their best to support us and comfort us, and many of them are just as shocked and saddened as we are. The difference is, unless they have experienced it themselves, they have no idea of the depth of our pain and anguish.
Once the formalities are over, most will go on with their lives, but we are left in a hole so deep we cannot fathom ever climbing out. Anguish, pain, denial, shock, are all just a few of the initial emotions we face. We often try bargaining with God – begging and pleading for another chance, another moment to hold them, kiss them, say goodbye. We are consumed by all the things we didn’t say or say enough; the things we did or didn’t do. In some ways we may feel responsible for our loved one’s death as if we somehow should have been able to change the course of things. At this point several things may happen. Some people find they are incapable of doing anything and they curl up in bed in the fetal position to try to protect themselves from the pain that engulfs them. Some will appear to be resuming life in the normal way, returning to work, staying busy, or otherwise trying to occupy their minds so they don’t have to deal with their emotions. Others seek help through counseling, prayer and support groups, and their network of caring friends. There is no wrong or right way to deal with grief. It is as individual as your grief. The way you respond initially may be very different from the way you respond as time goes on.
This section will try to address the grieving stages, what to expect and provide encouragement along the way. Now is the time to make sure you are doing all you can to take care of yourself. It is vital that you continue or develop healthy eating habits. Sleep and rest are important. As you start this journey realize you will be taking baby steps, not giant leaps. At the same time, you do not have to face the future all at once. If getting through the day is impossible, tell yourself you only must get through the next hour. And if that is too much, you only must get through the next moment. Even that can seem to be more than you can handle. Seek out help and support from grief support groups, your church family, clergy and your physician and or professional counselor. There are many options available to help you through this difficult time. Take advantage of them.