Have you ever noticed you can be surrounded by people but still feel totally alone? If you have walked this path we call grief, I’m sure you know exactly what I’m talking about. Even those who love us most and want to support us can’t help dispel the loneliness and longing. They emphasize with our pain and some even try to understand. Many know full well the depth of our sorrow because they too have walked this path. But we are still alone. This path is private – this path is solitary. It is ours alone to travel. And although we know others have walked it, we feel no one understands our pain as we do. In spite of the fact we know many have suffered, we find no comfort in that fact, nor do we feel blessed to be among the suffering. There is no way around it – we have to face it head on. Each day we grow a little bit stronger, each day our hearts grow a little bit lighter and in time we will be healed.

When my daughter, Jennifer, died I was certain I would never again feel any pain so deep. I was wrong. But I have learned from it all and I pray some of what I’ve learned can help someone else.

People ask me “when will I get over it”? The truth is never. The loss of someone you love will always be with you. You will miss them, long for their presence and wish a million times for just one more minute with them. And part of you will always love them. But in time, God will make a special place; deep inside your heart, where you can bury the pain and sadness and keep the love, memories and joy they brought to your life. It’s a safe place that eventually retreats to the recesses of your mind and heart. But it will always have the power to resurface, often at the most unexpected moment, but each time the pain will be softer and the memories will grow brighter.

I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “life goes on”. And it does, in fact it must. When death comes we only have two choices – to face life bravely, holding tight to God’s hand or to lie down and die with the one we loved so deeply. Option #2 is really no option although some choose it. And the saddest part is they never truly die. But they live as if they did. Their lives are over and robbed of all joy, hope and love. They grow cold, bitter and cynical. Death would have been a welcome relief to them.

What a shame, what a slap in the face to the lives of those we loved. Jennifer, Jacob, my sisters, brother, mom and dad and Ken would be devastated if I chose that route. In fact, it would be a pretty lousy way to honor their lives and the joy and love they brought to mine. They expect more of me; I expect more of myself and God definitely expects more than that. And with His love, mercy and sustaining grace, my life has gone on. Yours can too.

Death reminds me of a huge, complicated jigsaw puzzle. Life as we know it is shattered in an instant and as we look at the broken, jagged pieces we cannot begin to see any way to put the puzzle of our life back together. We can’t believe they can ever fit together as fragmented as they’ve become. Thankfully, we don’t have to put the pieces back together but God can. As we struggle and fall, He is constantly in the background weaving a new, beautiful, perfect tapestry of our life. We can’t always see it until much later but He’s weaving all the same. And down the road when the tapestry is completed, we can only wonder at His majesty.

Take a break from your sorrow and seek out the blessings God has placed in your life. Find the joy, happiness and love that still surrounds you and welcome all the new opportunities He presents. Something as simple as a Monarch butterfly can make me catch my breath, and a rainbow in the sky fills my heart with joy and reminds me we are never alone. The laughter from my grandchildren screams out every day, our God is truly an awesome God.

It’s okay to cry. I believe God gave us tears to heal our broken hearts. But remember the day will come when you can laugh again and really mean it and that’s okay too. Open your hearts to the blessings God brings into your life, even when you weren’t expecting them and be thankful. He brought them to you for a reason – cherish them.

Reach out to others. There is no better way to take your mind off yourself than to help someone else. And in doing so, you just might find your problems aren’t nearly as bad as you think. Volunteer; visit a nursing home, call a friend – but for goodness sake, do something! It’s a great cure for loneliness.

Keep a journal or start a blog. There is no doubt in anyone’s mind who reads my blogs who these ramblings were written for. And as I write and later review, I can see things more clearly and know how far God has brought me in this journey.

Find someone you can talk to – a counselor, a pastor, a trusted friend. We all need to talk and it’s a vital part of healing. No one can give us all the answers but the truth is we don’t need them to. Sometimes we can find the answers simply by releasing some of our pent up emotions and hearing ourselves talk.

Pick up your Bible – it’s full of promises and hope.

The next time you fall, instead of standing up, fall to your knees. There truly is power in prayer. Can’t think of one? Maybe you’re trying too hard. Forget the fancy ones you’ve heard in church and speak directly to God from your heart. He understands and there’s nothing you can say He doesn’t already know. Remember He is the Divine Healer.

Be kind to yourself. Let go of regrets and guilt. Stop punishing yourself and realize in your weakness God is made strong.

And at your loneliest moment when you feel the world has abandoned you, know it doesn’t matter if they have. God is with you always – you are never alone!